12. We all saw it coming...

That's right. It's late night, teary-eyed confession time. It's been a really long time since I've written on my poor neglected blogger, and I feel bad that I'm reconvening in such a manner, but here it goes.

I'm extremely self-conscious. There, I said it. It's out of the way. No, it's not a big surprise, but that's not really what this is about. More, I hate when people point it out in an "attempt" to get me to stop. I hate my body. I hate all the disgustingly flabby rolls that stick out everywhere they aren't supposed to, and the way I jiggle when I jog. Sure, I try to ignore the disgusting jiggles, but it's still uncomfortable. And sure, I make comments about myself that aren't flattering, and not helpful to my self-esteem, but that's how I grew up, using humor and self-deprecation to cover up the fact that I'm so completely amassed in my hatred of myself that I don't want to face the world.

I know what you're thinking, "boohoo, get to the point," that is if you've read this far to begin with. So here's my point, I hate more than anything when someone points out that I'm talking shit about myself. One of my friends has recently decided that every time I make a negative comment about myself, he's going to call me on it. The problem with this is that he does it very loudly...in front of a large group of people...causing me to feel even more self-conscious than before. He thinks he's helping me, but he's just making it worse.

I'm working really hard to fix my self-image, and to stop saying negative things about myself, and his "help" isn't helping. Maybe it's because he's a guy and doesn't really get it, or something, but I'm seriously so close to crying in front of my entire group of friends it's not even funny.