It's been a while since I've posted, and here's why:
I'VE BEEN FREAKING INSANE.
No, really. I have. I've been in a constant state of stressed out uber panic for about two weeks. A constant throng of school work, money troubles, disappointing rehearsals, bitchy ass friends, and job searching failures have led me to near nuclear meltdown levels of stress. Wait...no, scratch that. NUCLEAR MELTDOWN LEVELS OF STRESS. There we go. I'm pretty sure my friends and family are soon going to have to learn their emergency evac plans from CSEP because the arsenal here isn't the only thing doomed to explode.
I've seriously gotten to the point where I don't even want to function anymore, because I know the stress is just going to get infinitely worse each time I crawl out of bed in the morning. Basically, I've figured out that my body just wants to shut down. Have you ever been so exhausted, stressed out and/or beaten down that you no longer have the energy to open your mouth? I'm there.
I don't even want to speak anymore. I'm usually a fairly bouncy, loud mouthed wise-cracker (heh, cracker) but lately I'm just more content to sit here stewing in my own mental juices, which I'm pretty sure is just as disgusting as it sounds. Strangely though, in those rare moments when I can turn off my brain for a few fleeting moments, I sit here in the silence, and I can think about absolutely nothing, and I'll catch myself smiling.
Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse. No normal person stares at walls, glazed eyes, drool pooling at the corners of their mouth, and smiles at nothing. Not unless they're wrapped in grade A straight jackets and slip on shoes sans shoelaces with the therapist telling them, "You're normal, little timmy, you're normal." See, that doesn't really count to me. If I'm smiling, there needs to be a damn reason, or I need to be quickly and quietly shipped to the nearest loony bin ASAP.
This post had a point.....it got lost somewhere up there.... and by up there, I don't mean just on the page. I mean in my head too. My head is a scary place to be right now. I really can't wait to have some time to myself where I don't have to worry about anything or anyone else. Even if it's just for a few hours, I'd be content. That time is coming soon. I'll make sure of it, before I start punching every person I see in the giblets.
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