2. Being female, and other extreme sports.

Let me start off by saying, I'm not really a girly-girl, much to my mother's constant horror. Growing up, barbies were forced on me, when I just wanted to play with GI Joes and Power Rangers and throw mud. I was dressed up like every Disney princess for Halloween, when I really wanted to dress like Batman or Superman. Only a matter of time, my mother must have thought, and then all that freakin' pink would just soak into my brain and I'd giggle and flutter like any decent little girl should. My poor mother. I've always been a disappointment in the glitz and glam department. She cringes at my ripped jeans, grungy chucks and fascination with blood and gore. I'm pretty sure she's still constantly shocked, though relieved, that I didn't end up a lesbian.

Well I've found out over the last few days that a few of those frilly female thoughts and reactions actually did sink in. And I don't like them. Now, to make this easier for my mortified brain, I'll break it up into a couple of instances.

First, I was reading scary articles on wikipedia. No, I do not currently possess an active social life. Welcome to my hell. So anyway, sitting in the quiet living room of my creepy apartment, reading about the skunk ape, melon heads (yes, it's creepy. shut up), and crybaby bridge, something touches my shoulder. Now, normally, I'm not that jumpy. I can keep my calm when someone grabs me, or taps me. Not this night. I screamed like a girl, yes, le gasp, a girl, and fell out of my chair. I never used to do this. If something scared me, I'd jump, but I've never screamed like a girl. Ridiculous. Turns out, a damn bug had flown in the last time the door had opened, and decided to land on me. Apparently he thought I was cute. I told my mom about it today, and she was so proud. Strange reasoning skills, my mother has.

Second, while clearing stuff out of an old suitcase to take to my parent's house today, I stumbled upon a spider. Normally, I'd get kind of heeby jeebied, but not enough to really matter. Usually the heeby jeebies are solved with a swift kick to the multi-eyed face of the eight-legged creepster. Well, apparently today, the new and improved frilly AJ felt it only appropriate to squeal...you guessed it...like a girl, do an "ew-ick-creepy-icky-buggy-gross" jig, and hop clumsily up on the bed. I'm absolutely certain this move saved my life. That spider was sure to eat me. He looked vicious. I'm pretty sure he even barked at me as I hopped across the room. So yeah... my mother would be so proud to know that I now hop and squeal and tremble at the sight of creepy crawlers and scary happenings.

Thank the heavens, I finally grew a vagina.