10. Ranidaphobia

I. Hate. Frogs. Fucking. Hate. Frogs. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I am not exaggerating at all. In fact, I feel like I'm UNDERSTATING the severity of my hatred...nay.... my absolute TERROR of frogs. This all stems from a terrifying childhood experience involving a kamikaze frog doing recon at my grandma's house and his evil to destroy me being stopped by grammy and her toilet. Ever since then, frogs terrify me.

Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking. I've heard it a bajilliondy gillion times. "Frogs are more afraid of you than you are of them. They won't hurt you." Then why the hell am I the one losing the staring contest and running away screaming? Yeah, that's right. Riddle me THAT, Batman. Frogs aren't hopping away and telling their laughing evil froggy friends that they'll just sleep in their cars...er...lilypads, WHATEVER, because the human showed up at their door step...and yeah.... so...yeah. Fuck frogs.

So there's this evil little bastard that has figured out my fear so he likes to sit on my door step and wait for me to come home. My mom theorizes it's because he likes to eat the bugs that are attracted to my porch light, but I know.... I. FUCKING. KNOW. It's because he's waiting to get me alone so he can eat me. He waits here, giggling to himself in his croaky little voice, waiting for me to walk up, exhausted from a long day of work. He just likes to watch me run away squealing. And my friends are in on it. I know they are. When they come over and see him, they "offer" to retrieve him for me. What always happens? They'll pick him up, sweetly pet him, smile at me with that annoyingly knowing smile and say, "see, he's harmless. So sweet and soft and squishy." *stroke, stroke* and then..... THEEEEEEEENNNNN..... the little bastard ninja leaps OFF of their palm STRAIGHT AT MY FACE. That little bastard KNOWS.

Fuck the bugs drawn to the light defense. He's after me. Sometimes I'll see him hiding in the shadows. Just watching. Quietly calculating his next move. One day he's going to get me. And you'll all be sorry. And all you frog lovers....you're out of my will.

9. A giant step for fat kids everywhere

So tomorrow is going to be the first day that I implement my new dieting plan. Of course, I have to go shopping for the supplies when I get off tonight, but whatever, I'm gonna do this. I'm also going to implement my plan to not sleep til 10:30 and lay in bed dozing until 11:30. That can't be healthy. Somewhere in there, I'm going to try to fit in some exercise. I brought my wii up from my parent's house, so the wiifit is going to be my new bitch.... actually, realistically, it's probably going to make me it's bitch, but whatevs.

I'm really hoping I can do this. I got some unexpected, harsh motivation the other day from several different sources, so I want to do this. Seriously. Not just for the people and places that make me feel like complete shit, but because I'm tired of being so down on myself that I just want to die. I'm not giving up, like some people think I am doing. I'm going to make this change, I just have to do it in a way that works for me.

And now it's time to get ready for work, and I need to chill before I go to work. This whole blog has made me pissy for some reason.

<3 AJ

8. Now, let's talk about my ass.

I know... you've been dying to hear about it ever since you noticed it in my title. Well here we go. Hitch up your belt loops, and away we go.

I went shopping today. Now, I will admit here, I'm one of those fat kids that goes shopping in fairly high spirits, damn me. As I dig through all the size zeros and ones and twos, I start to dip into my usual fat girl depression, and by the time I get to the dressing room with my meager choices, I'm near a meltdown of epic proportions. Then I get in there and find that yet another pair of pants, yet another adorable top, does not freakin' fit. Well, that's what happened today. And the more clothing I tried on, the more I wanted to seriously punch the mirror so I didn't have to look at myself anymore. I refrained, as if I happen to lose weight, I want to be allowed back into the store. So anywho.... after much glaring, pulling, tugging, huffing, and puffing, I came home totally deflated and drowned my sorrows in a Beef and Cheddar. It's a vicious cycle really, one that I've been stuck in since I was 14. Puberty hit me hard...with a shovel...and now I'm using that shovel to stuff as many bad food choices into my mouth as possible.

So here's my solution. I'm going to start limiting my calories majorly. I'm going to plan out my meals a week in advance and eat only that. No allowances for other stuff. If I want to change, I'm going to have to make a drastic change in my lifestyle. I've already written out one day, and it's looking good. six days to go, but I'm not worried about it. I'm going to start getting up earlier, as I've been sleeping until about ten thirty or eleven everyday, and I'm going to make myself go walking or jogging before class and work. I have to change or I'm going to end up with all the health problems that my family suffers from, on top of all the ones I have already....not to mention I won't be welcome back to Old Navy for punching their mirrors out.

So here's to not being fat anymore! Well, working towards not being fat anymore anyway.

<3 AJ